8-20-07

Brad:

I've decided that since you don't get to listen to music I'm going to try and send you the lyrics of a song in every letter so that you still feel like you have a little music in your life. Today, the song that I have had stuck in my head is one by the Dixie Chicks (sorry, just try to think about the words):

"When the calls and conversations, accidents and accusations, messages and misperceptions paralyze my mind. Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving burning fumes of gasoline and everyone is running and I come to find a refuge in the easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me. And the peaceful quiet you create for me. And the way you keep the world at bay for me; the way you keep the world at bay.

Monkeys on the barricades are warning us to back away. They form commissions trying to find the next one they can crucify. And anger plays on every station. Answers only make more questions. I need something to believe in. Breathe in sanctuary in the easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me. And the peaceful quiet you create for me. And the way you keep the world at bay for me; the way you keep the world at bay.

Children lose their youth too soon; watching war made us immune. And I've got all the world to lose, but I just want to hold on to the easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me. And the peaceful quiet you create for me. And the way you keep the world at bay for me. The easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me. And the peaceful quiet you create for me. And the way you keep the world at bay for me; the way you keep the world at bay for me; the way you keep the world at bay."

The reason why that song is highly appropriate for today's letter is because something I've been noticing since you left is how much harder it is for me to deal with stress. I feel like usually I am pretty good at just shaking things off, especially after I'm able to talk something through with you. That's when I realized I don't have my partner, I need you in my life. Now don't worry, I'm doing fine...but it just takes me longer to get over things by myself. You know me so well and you are so good at helping me relax and keep things in perspective and I've come to depend on that in a good way. Like today when we got to talk for a few minutes on the phone and I was explaining my problem to you about feeling more stressed than usual you just said that you were sorry and you told me to just relax and think about you and that's what I did and I immediately felt better. You are going to get me through this Brad, we are going to get each other through this.

Anyway, I'm still enjoying my exercise routine. Here's what's been happening, I pretty much always get in my morning yoga and my morning walk. I always feel so great after that. Then in the evening I'm usually getting in my weights and ab work out. Then I figure that anything on top of that is just bonus. I'm feeling so much better already just from eating healthier and getting my body moving and I think I've already lost some weight. I'm not weighing myself because numbers just discourage me. I'm more focusing on how I feel and how I look and how my clothes fit. My aunt Barbara gave me a good motto to have during this: "move more and eat better." I like that instead of something like "strict exercise and strict diet." That kind of plan wouldn't feel as good and is too restrictive, but as long as I'm trying to be as active as possible, and eat healthy food I know my body is going to respond in a very positive way.

Kelli and Ben both came into town today so this should be a fun week with them here. The girls are terrific. Jane and I had a lot of fun this evening while I was getting her ready for bed. She was in such a good mood and was laughing a lot. We also played some funny games with our tongues, she is so silly. She also did something so sweet today. I was sitting by her and I had Maren on my lap and she was doing great but then out of the blue she bonked Maren right in the kisser. Well of course Maren started crying and I scolded Jane. Jane got a little sad face and reached down to the couch and grabbed Maren's binky and put it right in her mouth and then gave me such a hopeful look that she had made it better. It was so adorable. Her spectrum of feelings is increasing on both ends. She feels and expresses more negative things and feels and expresses more positive things. Well, that's all for now...you're my main man!

Lots of love-Jess

P.S. I hope we get to talk on the phone again.